This week has been quite a week! Mr.Kang was sick! Its a bringing of a heartache to see him unwell...

But he is all recovered and well:) Thank goodness..

My days are weaved around schoolwork , Mr.Kang, my family and my friends. I am really having the best time in my life. There is a fine balance of work and life, stress and challenge. I absolutely love it right now. Sometimes I wished that everyday would be the same from this day forth and we would always stay young and in school:) Hmmm..but time would pass, days go by, we would all grow . I look forward to what would I be like 5 years or even 20 years down the road, with fear , anticipation and excitement. What I would really look forward to is my how I would be able to get a job, get a family and move onto the next phase of life. What I really fear and dread is changes. I am afraid that I would not be a consistent person. That I would not be of someone who act upon my words, that I would betray myself and morph into someone else. I wish I could say that I am confident about what is planned for me, but I am not, I fear from the depths of my heart that I would lose a part of me.

I wish to proclaim to be someone of fine character, I strive towards that. Sometimes I fail. Why am I not consistent? How can I fail? I wish I could look at some people without judging them, but I am seriously not that noble. Is there anyone out there who can do that ? I feel self-derived emotions such as hate, resentment and jealously. Simply miserable I tell you. This interesting and uncontrollable emotions would take over your logic, rationality you are basically an impaired person, chained by your emotions. It is horrible. Why would anyone do that to themselves? More often than not you would hurt the closest people around you ,people whom you love. You feel as if the only way you can vent this feeling is to hurt someone around you, so that they would feel the same way as you do, so that someone can relate to you. This is a very sadistic thought, but nobody likes to be alone.

Damn.. I hate it whenever I feel like this. I despise myself, for not having the ability to just let go...